I forgot something important

I forgot to write that Steve and I am are engaged. And I moved out to AZ to be with him.
I wrote a lot of stuff on here about Steve that I regret.
He stuck with me through the state hospital and believed in me when no one else did.
He was my saving grace in the hospital. And it made me realize that I still love him and I always will.
He takes good care of me and is completely trustworthy. I trust him like I have never trusted anyone before. Cause I know he won't hurt me.
And yes, I had a lot to be blamed for when we lived together in Utah.
I am glad that even after all that I pulled he never gave up on me. Nor stopped loving me.
I am sorry for the things I have done that hurt him. Even right now I don't want to see pain in his eyes that I caused.
I am ashamed of what I wrote over a year ago. I take it all back.

So not I am in AZ. What a blow up.
out of the state hospital and into life. My fiancee thinks I'm lying, housing is a joke, SSA is a anothr joke and a half.
I take back everything about Steve.
I got out of the hospital. Did good then crash.
Steve can't have someone who keeps secrets. But if he reads this the whole world is going to go KABOOM.
I screwed up big time. I feel I can't be here, I can't be there. God, where is the drive I had in Seattle.
No pills, no lights, no running board. Just drop off into darkness. God reading my blog reminds me of how I use to feel.
This is all bull crap and it will go away. Just need time.