Inner Truths

Alright let me sum up the past couple of weeks.
After attending Mass and watching Daily Mass on EWTN I noticed that this huge void started filling the center of my being and feeling of fear, dread, and anger started to permeate my whole being. It was quite literally like there was something darker pulling me back away from the Catholic church.
I began to fear what my family would think of me, fear that they would hate me and persecute me. Feelings of guilt for haven't done something wrong, of which I hadn't.
So I didn't go the next weekend.... Yes, interestingly enough the expected outcome happened. It subsided.
I went to the LDS church with my Mom today and was rather disappointed. Majority of it was nothing but about the pioneers. Only a little was said that had to deal with Christ.
The sacrament isn't taken anywhere nearly as seriously as it should be. It is the body and blood of Christ and yet it is treated like it is nothing.
No, I didn't take part of it.
Now my Mom feels bad because she felt that church went badly and now I won't want to go.
Well, if I don't it won't be based on how well it all went.
I didn't find Christ there at all. Yes I will still go with my Mom. Yet I don't think that is where I truly want to be. So the jury is still out on a suitable outcome for that.
Other news... I have been once again watching a lot of stuff on astronomy and paranormal stuff.
I can't stand watching any other paranormal shows that are ghost hunting except for Ghost Hunters. They had the most credible evidence. Not just some psychic who is "feeling" something. I am not saying all psychics are frauds cause then I would be calling myself one. (I am an empath and clairvoyant.)
And once again contemplating such things as what will happen when the Sun dies. When I contemplate that, it really makes it not seems so important what kind of car you've got, clothes you wear, or what you've got. It is all impermanent. The stars, our sun, the planets all have a life cycle just like we do. We are all born, live and then pass on.
Then to think when I look at the sky, that when the Sun becomes a red giant, it will take up 1/4 of the sky.
I've been reading the book "The Secret". I definitely recommend it as an interesting and useful read.
I finished reading The Host and that was a very interesting book. Mainly in part of the fact that you see everything through the eyes of the the alien species instead of the just fear crazed humans.
All of this leads me to wonder when are as a species ever going to let ourselves rise above all the fear, anger, and hate. When are we going to finally realize that there is so much more to everything than just what we can see.
I am a firm believer in the fact that knowledge is power. Knowledge also leads one to make informed decisions and to think for oneself.
It also leads to one having a more open mind and heart.
Lately I have also been taking time to lift my mood by saying thank you for so many things that I do have. My strength, my health, my hands, my eyes, my voice, music, my daughter, mother, family, and many more things.
God is beyond so much more than what we can possibly comprehend and the say that one religion has got it right is plain ignorance.