Mexico

I just got back from going to Mexico to see Roger Clyne at the January Jam. I had a real good time. It was at JJ's Cantina. We had side stage passes and we video taped some of the concert. I never imagined that I would ever make it to a concert of his. It was the best concert I have ever been to.
It was the first time I had ever been to Mexico and I was pretty nervous. Cause I had always heard nothing but bad about Mexico. It was really pretty where we were at and peaceful. I spent most of one morning watching the tide slowly come in.
We stayed at Steve's Mom's place near Rocky Point. It was on the beach and Steve and Steve and I went for walks on the beach at night with the full moon. Which was pretty romantic.
I think it was good for me and Steve to go. I think it helped us get even closer. I really love him and I feel like such a heel for writing in here what I did. We were both to blame for what happened when we lived together in Utah.
I have come to know him better than I did before, and have grown to love him more than I did in Utah. I mean I thought I loved him then, but now I KNOW I love him.
I think though, that when i first got here we were both sort of scared to meet up again, much less me moving here. Neither one of us was as we remembered each other. So it made us both wonder at first what we had done. But we hung in there and we have come to love each other even more.
He has helped me start to come out of my shell and be myself again. Instead of the drugged up zombie that I was. He has all my trust. I just wish I could bring myself to talk alittle more. Sometimes I wonder if that annoys him. Even though he has said it doesn't. Sometimes it annoys me cause I would like to but my brain draws a blank.
I feel bad that I made him hurt so bad. I didn't fully understand how much he missed me till I came here. Sometimes I still wonder why he pined away for me so bad. I don't feel like I deserve to have someone like him after the way I behaved.
But I am glad that he never walked away from me totally. He has taken really good care of me. He has such a good heart. God and while he was pining away for me I was drinking and acting like a tramp. Yes, I said it. A tramp. A drunken one at that. I am ashamed of it. Now I worry about scaring him away or hurting him.
I miss sitting on the beach with him at night. Already and we just got back.