Hey God! Are you listening?

Well i decided to go back to Catholic church with Steve's Mom. I feel that it may bring some peace to my life and I won't have to go alone! (MAYBE one day Steve will go with....... I can always hope.)
I read last night about how 2 years ago I was so afraid of being persecuted by my family for my beliefs and for going to the Catholic church. I will always admire and find inspiration, in the life story of Pope John Paul II.
That is what i took as my answer to my prayer to God as to where to go back in 2005. Seeing his life story on PBS, I mean.
I remember especially what happened to him that helped him decide to become a priest and then how even the Catholic priests had to go in to hiding (he came from Poland), during WWII because of the Nazis. And how he tried to help the Jews that were in one of the Jewish ghettos that Nazis created at first; that was right next to where he was at.
I guess it also hit home because my ancestors were killed in concentration camps. Although, they were Polish concentration camps.
Anyway......
Sometimes i wonder what happened to my faith. It seems like I have become jaded in so many forms. I even gave up on life in a way. Something inside of me changed for the worse when i was in the Utah State Hospital. It made me kind of spiritually dead. I tried so hard to find SOMETHING to help. But to no avail.
So I am going to give it another try. i figure if God loves me enough to never give up on me, then I should never give up on him.
My favorite Psalm.

Psalm 23:1-6

The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack.

2 In green pastures you let me graze; to safe waters you lead me;

3 you restore my strength. You guide me along the right path for the sake of your name.

4 Even when I walk through a dark valley, I fear no harm for you are at my side; your rod and staff give me courage.

5 You set a table before me as my enemies watch; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

6 Only goodness and love will pursue me all the days of my life; I will dwell in the house of the LORD for years to come.

I am pretty sure that my family would beg to differ about the Lord being happy with me.
I am so SICK of letting their judgements effect how I live my life. I am not a perfect person and I never have claimed to be. I am human. With human frailties.
I can only do my best. And here I can sum it up with this reading from the book of Matthew 7:1-2.

1 Stop judging, that you may not be judged.
2 For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you.

It also goes on to talk about hypocrites. And i try so hard to not be one. I just wish that some people would quit telling others what to do and live their own advice. (Or faith..)

And why is it; that bad things always happen to people who don't deserve it? Like, why is it that a couple who who give anything to have JUST one child of their own, can't have any; while young girls are getting pregnant all the time and dumping their babies in dumpsters? i just don't understand why there has to be this cruel twist to life.
And what happened to where family and marriage were sacred? It is so sad to think of these things. It really breaks my heart to think of all the problems in the world and it makes me wonder if and when He will ever come again.

God? Are you listening?