Just Another Day.....

I decided today that I'm not going to worry anymore over who reads this blog. No one inparticular does anyway, so it shouldn't matter.
Today Maddie should have got her package. I still have to call, but I am waiting till later to call just to make sure that she has recieved it. I wanted to get her Anakin's ship in Legos, but they want 60$ for it and I don't know if I can afford it right now. I wanted to give it to her for Easter, but I also have my Mother's birthday in April. So I don't know what I'm going to do yet.
I am really concerned about Steve's health. But the problem he is having is most likely due to psychological/emotional problems. So there really isn't much I can do about it. Except love him and try to help him as much as i can.
I recently bought a coupld of new cd's and one of them was a group called Breaking Benjamin. They are a lot like Stabbing Westward's first two albums. And i was listening to it today. Mostly only two songs from it; "I Will Not Bow" and "Anthem Of The Angels". I like it, but it made me feel empty and cold all over again. So it may not have been a good choice. Atleast for today.
I also seem to have this penchant for making cd compilations lately that are alittle sad. Like I said before and i will say it again; to quote The Verve, "I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me...."
I think that is hy I listen to certain kinds of music at certain periods. And if anyone knows me well enough; which no one has YET to figure this one out, you can tell what kind of a mood I am in, or if something is bothering me, the type of music I play will tell you.
Except Steve has one over on me. I can get all huffy, and try to pretend that I am mean and don't care, but then I look into his eyes and I melt. I can't be like that around him. It just doesn't work. Which is good and bad.
It's bad in a sense that he knows the second he is around me if something is wrong. First off, in all my relationships, no one ever cared if something was wrong. Secondly, because of all of that, I have a hard time opening up and talking to him. Mainly because I don't want him to worry about me, and I don't want to trouble him. But he tells me to talk to him anyway..... (ugh!)
I sure miss my little girl. I think about her every day. And worry....I am not still angry at my ex, but; he will never learn and never change. And for what he did to Maddie for her birthday pisses me off! Er ist ein Esel!
(He is a jackass.)
I don't even remember WHY i married him in the FIRST place..... (*&$%@#^!!!!)
Lately, I have felt more like the songs "Stuck In A Moment" and Incubus "Drive".
I would have to say that I am definately "Stuck In A Moment." So that's the song for today, (and the past few days.....)

Stuck In A Moment - U2

I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard

I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing

I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep

I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass