WOW! People read this!!!! Atleast my Mom does :)

Today it floored me that my Mom actually read my blog. I didn't think that anyone was reading this. Cool! :)
Anyway, I guess things are a bit worse with what is going on with my ex and how he is treating MY DAUGHTER!!!! Apparently she starves all weekend long when she goes with him, and his new wife doesn't want to have anything to do with my little one. If THAT'S how it is going to be then I don't want her going over there anymore. I just found this out tonight. THIS on top of him promising her a birthday party for TWO WEEKS! And not pulling through with his promises and upsetting her.
Apparently she is also having problems with anxiety and she is only 9!
I have had it with him and his BS. I put up with it for-friggin-ever! Our WHOLE marriage was a lie! REALLY IT WAS! I found out at the very end that our marriage wasn't even valid! He lied to me so much. ARGH! Er ist ein wertloses Stuck Scheisse! (The "u" in stuck is suppose to have umlauts on it.) No I will not translate. :P
She has been watching episodes of Star Wars Lego animations on YouTube. So i guess i am going to have to watch that sometime too.
Sometimes I am afraid that I am too jaded for my relationship with Steve. My Mom understands exactly what i mean. As she said tonight; "Yeah, after what Chris (my ex) pulled..."
Then my Mom told me not to send anything more for Maddie. But I want to. And friggin heck! Easter is comming up. She needs something.
I wanted to talk with Steve about somethings dealing with uws, and I sent him texts then told him didn't need to answer. But here's the catch- I know him well enough that IF it wasn't something that was going to hurt or upset me in any way, shape, or form; he would have told me. AND he didn't. So that leaves me to draw the conclusion that yes, it is something that I probably don't want to hear. And for now I will keep my suspicions to myself. And if it is what i think it is, then my hands are tied and i can't do a thing about it. Well, the obvious thing will happen, (which I was told in USH is typical of someone like me), I will pull away and go freezing cold. Well i won't cut him out. But I will have to pull away just to help myself. (The song "Save Yourself" from Stabbing Westward comes to mind....)
Sometimes I get way judgemental. And i can be cruel... He hasn't yet come to this realization YET! And watch out when he does..... OUCH! But I doubt it.
I am in a bad mood anyway and I needed to vent. I don't like dumping my stuff on others. And this works perfectly. :)
Here's the song for today :) (Keep in mind that I am WAY aggrivated right about now and my mind is going off the deep end in the pool of assuming things.............)


End - The Cure

i think i've reached that point
where giving up and going on
are both the same dead end to me
are both the same old song

i think i've reached that point
where every wish has come true
and tired disguised oblivion
is everything i do

please stop loving me
please stop loving me
i am none of these things

i think i've reached that point
where all the things you have to say
and hopes for something more from me
are just games to pass the time away

please stop loving me
please stop loving me
i am none of these things

i think i've reached that point
where every word that you write
of every blood dark sea
and every soul black night
and every dream you dream me in
and every perfect free from sin
and burning eyes
and hearts on fire
are just the same old song

please stop loving me
please stop loving me
i am none of these things
i am none of these things

i am none of these things



(Just another day...........)