T.M.I.

Talk to my ex about Maddie and of course, he denied, denied, denied.... I was expecting as much from him. So I am not too surprised by that.
I found out from my Mom that my ex and alicia fought over alicia having to babysit Maddie right infront of Maddie. He still fights in front of her. He use to do that with me. I would ask him to please take it somewhere else, but no! He couldn't do that.
So i told him that he is going to have to take it up with my Mom about seeing Maddie again. Sounds cold right? Well, if he is going to be that way with Maddie (leaving her there alone and alicia not wanting to have anything to do with Maddie), then she doesn't need to go there anymore.
So I don't think he is going to talk to me Mom, cause he is afraid of my Mom. >:) (hehehehehe)
Steve told me something today that was T.M.I. And i have let it go. It is in his past, but it kind of was something unexpected, yet in a weird way doesn't surprise me. I don't want to act like it bugged me, or was a buzz kill, cause i want him to open up to me and talk to me about anything. So I just let it go. I did a lot of stupid things in my past. I just know which things to talk about and what to take to my grave. Ahem..
I am going to get Maddie the Lego set of Anakin's Y Wing Starfighter. I discussed it with Steve and he said that would be fine. So when I get paid next month i am going to send that to her. And I need to find the first Star Wars movie ever made. So she can see the movies that i grew up with and continue the saga. I hope she likes it.
As always, I put a song in here. Well today I am going to add two. Both of them have to relate in some way to both of my kids. The first is "Blurry" by Puddle Of Mudd. Second is "Silent Lucidity" by Queensryche.

"Blurry" has to related to what happened when I lost my son, and how i feel about the situation with DCFS in Nevada, and the last time I saw him. And how I wonder what he is doing. But it also applies to Maddie now cause she is far away from me and the situation with her.

Blurry - Puddle Of Mudd

Every thing's so blurry
And everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty
And everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I'll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what your doing?
Imagine where you are?
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
There's no one left that's real
To make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
'Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

And you could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I will save you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what your doing?
I wonder where you are?
There's oceans in between us
But that's not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it my face
This pain you gave to me

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you when to runaway
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you when to runaway

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
Well you shoved it my face
This pain you gave to me
No this pain you gave to me
This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away
Explain again to me
You take it all away
Explain again to me
Take it all away
Explain again
Explain again
Explain again




"Silent Lucidity" is a song that i use to sing to both of my children when they were babies and I would be rocking them. It is something that I cherrish.

Silent Lucidity lyrics

Hush now don't cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye
You're lying safe in bed
It was all a bad dream
Spinning in your head

Your mind tricked you to feel the pain
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life
So here it is, another chance
Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over...or has it just begun?

There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run to in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didn't realize it and you were scared
It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the tears
And ride the whims of your mind

Commanding in another world
Suddenly, you hear and see
This magic new dimension

I-will be watching over you
I-am gonna help you see it through
I-will protect you in the night
I-am smiling next to you...in silent lucidity

If you open your mind for me
You won't rely on open eyes to see
The walls you built within
Come tumblng down, and a new world will begin

Living twice at once you learn
You're safe from pain in the dream domai
nA soul set free to fly

A round trip journey in your hea
dMaster of illusion, can you realize
Your dream's alive, you can be the guide but...

I-will be watching over you
I-am gonna help you see it through
I-will protect you in the night
I-am smiling next to you...



(The video for Silent Lucidity is not the original that i first saw on MTV.)